Living With A Heavy Heart

Living with a heavy heart.

What does that even mean? In my world, it means living without my dad.

When I was 15, my dad was told he needed a heart transplant. In a mere few minutes and words, our family was turned upside down.

In the end, my dad wouldn’t end up getting the heart he so desperately needed. He would instead become a donor himself with his lungs, live pancreas, kidneys and even eyes donated to others in need.

Some days…it still makes me mad that he didn’t get his transplant. Why wasn’t he saved and had to save other people? Why did it have to be MY dad?

Some days…my chest hurts thinking about all that he’s missed. Graduations, Weddings, Christmases…that list goes on.

However, most days, I try and think of all the amazing things my dad was able to teach me in just 15 years. My dad was such a good man. He would help a stranger in need and was always willing to give a hand to anyone who needed it. He was the guy you wanted to be best friends with and could get along with everyone, with his easy-going attitude and genuine personality. He was one-of-a-kind that’s for sure

This March 16th, it’ll be 13 years since his passing…which makes it nearly half of my life without my dad.

I think he would be proud of my brother. He’s grown into a wonderful young man who has his dad’s mannerisms!

I think he would be proud of my mom. They both taught me so much about love and what it means to feel with every fibre and being and to be selfless in relationships. I also think he had a hand in finding my step-dad, who has become a father figure in our lives and loves us like his own. I’m eternally grateful for him (Simon) and all he does.

Finally, I think he’d be proud of me. He would have ADORED my husband and would still laugh at my antics and probably get a kick out of my radio career (and make fun of my “Radio Personality” but also tell everyone he knew about his kids)

I think it’s okay to get mad, or sad…to question why things happen and to not fully accept it. I think it’s okay to feel that hurt and let yourself not be okay with it…but I also think it’s okay to continue to live your life and be happy.

There will forever be a piece of my heart that’s missing, but I know he is here through every new journey and adventure and that’s what I’ll keep with me for the rest of my life.

Thank you dad…here’s to you today, and everyday.